Dealing with redundancy after returning from maternity leave

Returning to work after becoming a parent can be daunting with a capital D (or at least for some). It can feel like the first day of secondary school all over again. You’ve been to school for several years before, you know the general premise, but this feels like a whole new ball game. You’re enthusiastically clutching that shiny new notepad and pen, but the uniform doesn’t quite fit right, you’re not sure who to sit with at lunch and you’re worried you’ll trip up in front of the big kids and make a fool of yourself. Sound familiar?

Stepping back into the office either virtually or IRL after a year or more away can feel like a steep and slippery mountain to clamber up, (especially whilst fighting for your life against the JOY of the newfound ‘nursery bug’ which is seemingly continual, and let’s not even start on the mum guilt). Unfortunately for some, the nightmare becomes a reality when that role becomes obsolete, and by proxy you are also made to feel obsolete too.

I’m sure 99% of parents sitting at home during the latter stages of maternity leave start to wonder how it will feel to go back. Will the wider team remember me? Will I struggle to regain my contacts? Will I survive ‘the juggle’? The question you probably don’t ask yourself is – will my role still exist in a few months’ time?

I am a passionate advocate for women in the workplace, equal opportunity, fairness and the protection of ALL new parents returning to work. I’m also a qualified life coach who’s passionate about helping people to have fuller conversations with themselves and those around them. Conversations which uncover the untruths we tell ourselves, the beliefs we cling to that don’t serve us, and use those learnings to reprogramme those negative experiences and thought patterns into something we can use for GOOD – not evil!

So, with my coaching cap firmly on and with 15 years’ experience in the PR industry under my belt, I therefore say the following to anyone who is let go from their role unexpectedly after returning from maternity leave:

1. You are NOT a failure – the thing they don’t tell you when you become a parent is that you will become harder and softer at the same time. Meaning that overnight you’ll uncover a new fearsome Mumma bear inside of you, who would fight with every scrap of your being to protect your baby from harm (or from an overbearing mother-in-law or unsatisfactorily chopped slice of grape or other choke worthy berry). You’ll also however find yourself crumpled into a box of tissues sobbing, when you feel like the only parent at baby sensory who’s child cries the whole way through the class and somehow, you’ll blame yourself. You will also learn that you cannot control everything – so be kind to yourself. This is not an easy feat for any woman, blaming ourselves and making ourselves feel smaller is what generations of gender stereotyping has taught us to do. Be quiet, don’t make a fuss, it must be something we said/did – we gaslight ourselves when things go wrong, and that just isn’t fair. The system is broken, not you.

2. It takes a village – we say it takes a village to raise a family, and I’m sure many of us have not only at times felt lonely or unsupported as parents, but also in the workplace too. When redundancy happens, it can feel like you’re completely adrift and not sure who to turn to. My advice would be to write a list of all the colleagues, former bosses, suppliers, clients etc whom you really loved working with in the past. Even if it’s been 15 years since you worked with them and you’ve not spoken since. It will surprise you how many kind and wonderful people there are in your network to lean on, reconnect with and possibly seek out new working opportunities through as well. That village is vital to helping you get back to yourself, feel good about your abilities once more and dust off the opinions you have wrongly formed about yourself since the ‘R’ word happened to you. You’ll also likely be surprised how many other new parents it’s sadly happened to as well, and this will madden and comfort you in equal measure (mostly madden though).

3. Separate fact from fiction – a role was lost and you became (temporarily) unemployed, that’s the unchangeable fact. But you can decide how you move forward from this place, that’s also a fact. Undeniably, there will be a stage of mourning, days under the duvet, a gut wrenching feeling of complete and utter unfairness and a fear of ‘what next’. The internal monologue can go a bit haywire when you’re unexpectedly thrown into a bear pit and then spat out the other side. Emotions are heightened, and it can feel like somehow you brought this upon yourself, but you must separate fact from fiction. You don’t have to let that redundancy gremlin take you down and whisper nonsense in your ear, the same way you don’t let people on Instagram tell you how to parent! So, write down a list of all the ways being a working parent makes you a KICK ASS employee, write down the things you brought to the workplace that nobody else can do as good as you and write down the three things you’re most proud of in regard to your return to work, no matter what came next. These things are also FACTS, and in the same way you had NO CLUE what to do next when you brought that bundle of joy home from the hospital, you figured it out anyway - like a BAD ASS. And you’ll do exactly the same again now with your next career move, easy as ‘pass me that steriliser b**ch!’

Finally, when you head into that next role make sure you have in mind your top three non-negotiables, whether it’s regarding childcare needs, supportive company culture or basic pay and don’t be apologetic for those requirements. You’re a parent now, but your value and potential have not dimmed. As guru Dumbledore once said, “happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”

Keep your light on.